I've changed my way of thinking about this weight-loss thing. And before I explain it, I want you to know that I'm not totally ok with the change. I feel as though I am giving up a little, or cheating, and there is some guilt that is coming with that. But the original plans of losing 30 pounds was making me crazy. One mistake, and I was depressed and crying. I would punish myself and loathe myself if I ate tortilla chips. Side note: I'm pretty sure there is a hormonal issue here, and problems with dealing with failure, blah blah blah. One problem at a time. I wish I could say that I have had an awakening and have discovered a love of my body and who I am right now. Well, I'm here to tell you that is a load of crap. Bottom line is, I can no longer allow myself to be consumed with the thought of losing 30 pounds, losing 30 pounds, losing 30 pounds! Its driving me nuts, because you know what, I may never fully lose those 30 pounds. But I'm excercising everyday. Not just 20 minutes. But good hard working excersise for more than an hour. And I'm doing it in or near my home, and either with my child playing near me, riding his bike along with me, or sleeping soundly in the care of my husband. There are times that my hour workout takes me an hour and a half, because I need to give a good morning hug, or make breakfast, or help get the legos down. But if I need to be a good mom that is not 30 pounds less, then so be it. I surrender. I'd rather be chubby and with my son, then skinny and ignoring him.
OK, my new plan: 100 workout sessions. A session must be 30 minutes or more. A session can be running, walking, cardio, weights, swimming (not constantly though, 2 laps and I about died.). The scale is getting put away. Byron has been told to take it and hide it. I will weigh myself in a month. This may bite me in my big behind. I may weigh myself in a month and discover not a damn thing has changed. I'll deal with that if it comes. It may be in the form of a nervous breakdown, but I'll still deal with it. Once I accomplish 100 workouts, I will be purchasing my season passes for Wyatt and I to Disneyland, where I will go and eat a frozen banana.
I am worried about my diet, though. I haven't been able to find a way to measure or record if I have been eating healthy. And what do I do if I mess up? I'm still trying to work all that out.
So now, I just try to find enjoyment in my workouts, eat all the veggies I can fit onto my plate, and hope that its enough. Because, quite honestly, I have had enough!
I found this via your family blog. Do you know much about weight watchers? The reason I bring it up is because I started in April and I'm really liking it (relatively speaking as much as you can like worrying about weight ;) ). I've lost 20 pounds and don't feel like I'm deprived. Its easier than counting calories because it is simple numbers also you get credit for fiber. So you get a daily point allowance, but you also get an additional 35 weekly points, to use when/if you want throughout the week. (So if you know you are going out to eat, or to a potluck or up to the cabin, etc, you can save them to use then, or if you need an extra snack one day, it can come out your weekly points). Its doable. You also 'earn' points with exercise. I'm learning portion control, which is my biggest difficulty. It does cost $40/month, but I decided its time to invest in myself. Anyway, I'm not sure if you even wanted comments or not. Why is being healthy SO difficult? Best of luck in your journey. I LOVE that you have rewards set up. I think your 100 workouts sounds awesome.
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